If you´ve ever felt unseen for who you truly are, don´t worry, so have I. As South Asians, we’ve all faced a version of being bullied, either for how we look or how we talk. We get judged by the stereotypical notions of being a certain type of person. From a bird’s-eye view, we are the ones who get judged for our aspirations and dreams, but we refuse to speak up for ourselves. However, I felt the need to speak up.
Practical Outlooks on Life
¨Why are you being so quiet?¨ they say.
¨I´m not, it’s just my way of speaking up.¨
As a high schooler going into sophomore year, I´d say that I love getting to know myself with a pragmatic outlook on life. For me, every day is a new adventure where I optimistically embark on a mission to learn something new about myself. This helps me be more open to myself and helps me recognize my emotions and feelings more clearly.
However, I wasn’t always like this.
Betrayal
Longing for In-Person Friendships
Entering middle school came with a significant cultural shock. Sure, I´d been living in the US for nearly a decade by then, but I never felt disconnected from my friends and peers before. Additionally, because of Covid, I’d been homeschooled for 1 ½ years, leading me too long for in-person friendships.
On top of this, my family had recently moved to a new place in a new city, making me part ways from my friends since preschool. Therefore, entering middle school came with the hope that I would make new friendships that I would cherish for a longer time.
6th Grade Comes with Betrayal
Over the first trimester of 6th grade, I was a bubbly child who always spoke her mind. That girl would speak her ideas, thoughts, and things she loved. She would openly tell her so-called friends all about her interests in music and films along with her open-ended ideas on a bright future.
At first, when others encouraged me, I thought everything was alright and that they supported me. However, as time passed, I realized this was their way of making fun of me and my thoughts. They talked behind my back, stole and made my ideas their own, and spread various false rumors about me.
Drowning in Self-Doubt
This was about the time when I shut off. I realized that all people ever saw in me was an egocentric and unsupportive view of a girl who spent her time being delusional about things she couldn’t achieve. But was that the thing that made up who I was? No, not really.
I wasn’t a 2-dimensional character who only had one purpose in life. It was as if everyone had taken me apart bit by bit, to uncover just the negative parts of me. I felt isolated, feeling like an outsider, right in my “own group of people”.
How Judgement can Affect a Teen’s Anxiety
This would play a huge role in how I saw the world–outside, not many knew the real me, which would lead them to make assumptions about me. However, those, like my family, supported me through and through, making me be the most open towards them, rather than anyone else. They would allow me to speak without judging and helped me combat my anxiety throughout 7th grade.
Coping Techniques
- Reading: Right about then, I picked up on a previous passion of mine to pass the time–I found my way through books. Reading was the only route that I saw being able to live multiple lives in just a single lifetime. It was my anchor. By living through the failures and successes of fictional characters, books helped me apply them to my life. I would, and still, read every day, as a way to feel content within myself.
- Writing: This passion for reading soon evolved into creative writing. It was my way of incorporating my feelings through fictional characters and would make my internal battles come to life. I came to love storytelling, not only through writing but also through dance.
Through reading, writing, and dancing, I need not become someone I’m not–I could just enjoy my own company.
Self-Discovery
Unlike what others thought, my newfound silence became my superpower. I kept my ideas and my thoughts to myself, and would only speak when spoken to. I would code-switch without realizing it, depending on who I was speaking to. It became my way of controlling my boundaries and the impression I wanted others to have of me. It might have seemed depressing at first, but it kept others from judging me for who I was. I didn’t need the negative energy.
I’d like to say I’m more of a pragmatic person. Overall, I have a positive outlook on life, believing I have many opportunities coming my way. However, I’m also aware that not everyone wishes the best for me, and this is okay, but I don’t want their negativity trying to pull me down with their thoughts and to contaminate my life and emotions.
Care for your Mental Health
Self-Awareness
I was surprised when I learned that nearly 80% of Asian-Americans struggling with mental health don’t get help. Most wait over 11 years. That stunned me. The most amazing part is that it’s all about them bottling up their emotions and not letting others know their true feelings.
You Are Not Alone
Remember, you are not alone in this journey combating your emotional well-being. We are all on different levels here but put yourself first, and you´ll not regret it. Looking back on my story, I feel like I’ve grown more aware and have grown from my self-discovery, and so can you.
About the Author
Maithilee Sejpal is a high school sophomore residing in the Bay Area. She is a high school intern for Rcoz during the 2025 Summer batch. She works to use her creative writing skills and training given by RCOZ and other mentors, like Dr. Apurva Bhatt, M.D., to raise awareness. At the end of the day, she wants to help spread mental health awareness for teens and inform the world that they are not alone in their journey through self-discovery.
