Between Two Worlds: Starting High School
Riya’s story hit me in a way I didn’t expect. It was true, calm, and powerful–something I knew others would connect with. So here I’m sharing it, exactly as she told it:
Starting high school felt like entering a whole new universe. New teachers, new people, harder classes and for me, a lot of pressure to somehow balance who I am at home with who I’m “supposed” to be at school.
Living in Two Cultures
At home, I speak a mix of English and Malayalam (my native language). My mom always asks if I’ve eaten (multiple times), my dad reminds me how lucky I am to get this education, and I’m expected to do well; no excuses. I get it. They worked hard to build a life here. But sometimes it feels like I have to be perfect just to make their sacrifices worth it.
At school, it’s different. Everyone seems chill, joking around, talking about shows I don’t watch or trends I don’t really follow. I laugh along, but inside, I feel like I’m switching personalities. I act one way at home, and a different way at school. It’s like flipping a switch. And after a while, that gets tiring.
What no one sees is how confusing it is to live between two cultures. One tells me to speak up and express your feelings. The other says don’t talk about emotions; it’s weak. I didn’t realize how much it was affecting me until I started feeling anxious all the time. Not just nervous-for-a-test anxious, but the kind where your chest feels tight and your thoughts won’t shut up.
The Weight of Silence
The worst part? I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone about it. I didn’t want my parents to think I was being ungrateful. I didn’t want my friends to think I was being dramatic. So I just kept it in.
Until one day, I couldn’t anymore.
A Small Conversation, A Big Change
A friend noticed I seemed off and just asked if I was okay. I didn’t spill everything, but I said I’d been feeling kind of overwhelmed. She didn’t judge me. She just said, “Yeah, me too sometimes.” And honestly? That helped more than anything. Just knowing I wasn’t the only one.
That small conversation made me realize I don’t always have to carry everything on my own. I still haven’t told my parents everything; I’m working up to that. But I’ve started writing in a journal. I take breaks when I need to. I’m learning that it’s okay to not be okay all the time.
Learning to Carry Two Realities
This is Riya’s story—one she’s shared with us. This is the message she wants to share with everyone learning to carry two realities in one heart:
Being first-gen means growing up in two worlds at once. It’s tough, but we’re stronger. We’re learning as we go—and we’re making it.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re like me—quietly holding a lot in—just know this: your feelings are real. You deserve to feel heard. You’re not alone.
As Dr. Sameer Hinduja, professor of criminology and expert on youth development, notes:
“Life is rough and entropy is real, and if I don’t actively fight against that tide, everything becomes a chore. And I don’t want that.”
Dr. Sameer Hinduja – Bullying and Cyberbullying speaker, social media safety expert, researcher, and author. (n.d.). https://hinduja.org/
Healing in Small Steps
Riya’s story is part of a bigger journey, one without clear directions. It’s a journey of figuring yourself out, little by little. Healing doesn’t always happen all at once. Sometimes it’s a friend checking in. Sometimes it’s writing things down just to get them out. Sometimes it’s simply letting yourself feel what you feel.
About the Author:
Writing has always been my way of making sense of the world and my place in it. Hi, I’m Angeline Roy, an upcoming sophomore in high school. Freshman year was full of challenges and moments of growth for me, and sharing stories–whether my own or others’–helps me connect and find meaning in those experiences. This space is where I explore the ups and downs of figuring things out, one step at a time. Thanks for joining me on that journey!
